


Forgive Me

by reigningqueenofwords



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-10-09 03:59:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17399633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reigningqueenofwords/pseuds/reigningqueenofwords





	Forgive Me

Sitting at the simple tombstone that you’d bought for your boyfriend just one year before, your fingers slowly traced his name. Samuel Winchester. It still felt like yesterday, it still ached like you saw the life fade from his eyes moments before, and you had a feeling it always would.

“Thought I’d find you out here.” Came the low voice of Dean. You didn’t even look up, nodding slightly. “I know it still hurts. I’m still so sorry.” He said softly as he crouched next to you.  
  
Finally, you looked up at him, pain and anger shining in your eyes. “I had no choice, Dean.” You reminded him. “I did what you couldn’t.”

Getting up, you walked back towards the bunker, leaves crunching under your feet. It was weird being back. You’d left the bunker a couple months after Sam’s death. You couldn’t be around Dean, you couldn’t sleep in the bed that you’d once shared with Sam, and you couldn’t walk through the halls that reminded you that you would never hear his laughter again.

Dean watched you go for a minute before taking a deep breath and looking at his brother’s tombstone. He’d had a hunter’s funeral, but you insisted he deserved this, too. Dean gave in, and helped you pay for it, both of you agreeing this was the best spot for it.

His green eyes looked around, noticing every little detail. “She hates me, ya know.” He sighed. “I don’t blame her. Not one bit.” Swallowing, he couldn’t believe he was talking to his brother’s ‘grave’. “It’s my fault she had to do what she did, Sammy. I broke her.”

* * *

_Your lungs were on fire, but you didn’t dare stop. Sam had been possessed, and you had no idea how. Or even when it had happened. He’d been taking different cases here and there, sometimes you went with him, and other times you went with Dean. Just whatever sounded the best bet to get things taken care of._

_Dean had ran ahead, wanting to save his baby brother. He hoped that it wasn’t too late, that he could still get Sam back to the bunker. You heard Dean’s voice echo off the walls up ahead, and it killed you. You heard the pain in his voice._

_“Dean!” You called out as you rushed through the door. Both Winchesters looked towards you, Sam’s eyes black. “Sam…I know you’re in there somewhere.” You started, moving forward a bit. “You have to fight back.”_

* * *

Walking through the front door of the bunker, you felt like you were going to throw up. You’d already stayed one night, and had no desire to stay any longer. Your feet lead you towards the room that you were staying in, taking your time. The last night you were there played over and over in your mind.

* * *

_“Come on, Y/N!” Dean all but begged. He watched as you packed your things, shoving your clothes in your bag, not really caring. “Think about this!”_

_You paused, shaking your head. “I have, Dean. Over and over.” You told him. “This is the only thing that makes sense, that hurts just a little bit less.” You wiped your cheeks. “He’s been gone almost two months, and everything is a reminder. Every morning and I get up, and for a moment, I expect to feel him next to me. I’ll turn to tell him something, and he’s not there. I can’t take it anymore.”_

* * *

Dean stood up, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I failed you.” He admitted, for the first time since that night. “I failed you so bad.” Dean knew Sam couldn’t hear him, and he’d always teased Sam for going to Jess’s. Now he understood. “I wish I could go back and do things differently.”

* * *

_Sam smirked at you, but the words that fell from his mouth weren’t his. “So, you’re his slut.” He chuckled. “He still thinks about you…oh, the images that I’ve seen.”_

_“Shut up.”  You ground out, doing your best to control your voice. You couldn’t let the demon in Sam get to you._

_He started to move towards you, making you feel like his prey. “You wouldn’t hurt your precious Sammy, would you?” He mocked you._

_Dean was walking up behind him with the demon knife, hoping to get a stab in that wouldn’t kill Sam. You didn’t let Sam know that Dean was behind him, hoping for the same thing that Dean was. It felt like your heart was going to fly out of your chest at any moment._

_It was like Sam knew he was there, spinning to grab Dean by the throat._

* * *

You pulled your oversized cardigan closer around you, slowly opening the door to the room that you were using. Cas looked over to you, giving you a sad smile. “I hope you don’t mind.” He said gently.

“Not at all.” You told him honestly, opening your arms for the angel. “I’ve missed you, Cas.” You whispered to him as he returned the hug.

“You could have prayed, and I would have come.” He reminded you as he pulled away. “Any time in this past year.”

With a small sigh, you shook your head. “I wanted as far away from everything as possible. I’m sorry, Cas. I’m just now able to start letting people, things, memories back in.” It was hard, and heartbreaking. “I will try to pray for you, though.” You assured him, causing his blue eyes to light up.

* * *

_The entire ride away from that warehouse was a blur. You were in back, clutching to Sammy, sobbing. His blood was on your hands. Dean couldn’t bring himself to kill his brother, even with his own life on the line._

_You’d grabbed the demon knife and stabbed, not even aiming. You didn’t have the time, and you’d been the one to take the life of the man you loved. Watching him die, like you had many others before him, shredded you down to your soul._

_Dean glanced in the rearview mirror, tears shining in his eyes. Your forehead was against Sam’s, and your shoulders were shaking. “I’m sorry, Sammy.” He heard you choke out, driving the knife deeper into Dean’s gut. “I’m sorry it came to this.” Dean’s eyes were back on the road, but he could just picture you running your fingers through his hair, like he’d seen you do a million times before. “I’m sorry I never got to tell you about our baby.” It sounded like you were going to start hyperventilating, so he pulled over, slamming on the brakes._

_“Y/N! Breathe. Look at me. Breathe.” He told you, but when you looked at him, it killed him. The pure anguish that he saw was unlike anything that he’d seen in all his years as a hunter._

_You licked your lips, swallowing. “I was going to tell him…as soon as we got him home.” Your voice cracked with emotion. “Now I’ll never get to tell him.” Your eyes went back to the younger Winchester._

* * *

Carrying your 5 month old son out of the bunker, you stopped when you saw Dean walking your way. “Not staying?” He asked, sadly.

“I can’t, Dean.” You shook your head, sighing. “It’s one thing being here for one night, being back around you, and Cas…it’s another to torture myself.” The look on his face made you cave. “Come visit us if you’re ever in the area. I’m sure that Sammy would love to have his Uncle Dean around to tell him about his daddy.”

Dean gave you the first real smile that you’d seen from him since before that night. “I will. Fuck…” He held back a sob. “Can I hold him before you go?”

“Meet us later for dinner. My treat.” You kissed his cheek.


End file.
